Blah Blah Blah.

Haven't posted in forever.

Why are people adding me if i don't post?
Thanks tho. It means some people care.

My family don't.

Friends don't.

You'd be shocked if i filled you in on everything that has happened.
I will, i promise.
Just-not tonight.

I Need A Doctor.

Thanks for everyone that commented.
It made me feel better.

I have so much motivations, but my family keeps holding me back.
We go to weddings and out to eat.
People stare when you don't want anything.
So you order.
Then eat.
Then stay fat.

I wanna come back to school with lighter hair (i'm goona get more highlights), darker skin (TAN!), and a kick-ass body (don't eat like a pig!).
Simple, right?
Wrong.

Smile Like You Mean It.

I'm passive-agressive, I know it.
I haven't been posting because no one comments, few read.
I figured if no one would comment, i might as well not post.
Then i figured I needed this.
Yes, it's so bad, that i actually need something.
I've always prided myself (secretly) in not needing anything.
Then D made me freak out.
What happened (finally!) is we were texting. He seemed odd, and i asked why. He said that he did like me, but just as a friend. And, go fucking figure, he still liked my cuz A.
Bullet through my heart.
Not literally, obviously.

Lately (last 3 weeks? 2?) I've been a bitch and have been leading this guy on.
Imma tell him [soon] that i don't really like him.
All we did is snuggle a bit.
And text.
Alot.
I just don't have feelings for him.
I [almost] wish i did.

Today was bad (food wise) but the days before were good.
Real good.
No more driver's edd (classroom, i'll still have to drive with him...but not for like 2 weeks) so Imma get up early (9 a.m. is freakin' early when you don't sleep enough, just sayin') and go for a walk. I'm not sure how far. I may just do the long loop...3.5 miles...and then tomorrow night i'm doing this sandbag thing for like 4 1/2 hours...lots of lifting...i'm planning on skipping breakfast and just eating lunch...maybe get out of dinner? And i just got my friend M to agree to go with me (on the walk) so i definitely will not let myself get out of it :)

My body is so embaressing right now.
I'll post more, probably every day.
I don't care if no one reads these.

And I Hope That You See Right Through These Walls.

I know, I haven't posted in awhile.

Busy.

Got back, a few hours ago, from state track. Did ok, i think? I don't know my split when i was running, but it felt good, so whatever.

I'm really tired.
Story of my life.

Guys are doushes, most atleast. I still should explain what happened with D.
Will some other day.

I wanna Fuckbuddy. No, not to actually have sex with (still 14) but just to mess around with. Kiss, Makeout, the works. Actually, that's basically it. I want to get my first kiss over with. I could...with this guy A.S...but i'm not attracted to him. He's younger too. He likes me, he told me, but i told him i didn't know. It's definitely a no tho.

I cut for the first time right before my last post. Sorry I didn't tell you. I did again a few other times. When I'm stressed, or crying, i do. Once crying, rest stressed. I really liked it. My friend M. asked me about it by my mom. My mom freaked out and I managed to blame it on the dog, and she said she'd cut his nails. I need a new place now. Maybe hip? No idea. They're all over my left arm. Obvious, right?

I'm so scared. I feel myself slowly changing. Mainly in a bad way. Help.

SCHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOLS OUT! TILL NEXT YEAR!

That was meant as a song, but you get my point. :)
School's obviously out, had last track meet today.
Just kidding, i THOUGHT it would be, but turns out I'm running at state.
The Medly.
I'm running the 200.
Fun.
I really should be excited, it amazing he picked me...but I don't want to. I just wanna watch and scream and cheer. That's fun.
Running isn't.
Practice isn't.
Practice untill state (like 2 weeks)

Food: I'm goona go crazy this summer. Barely anything. I'm even giving up diet coke...i don't want to be bloated. I'm goona exercize like crazy. I'm excited.

Everyday Is A Winding Road.

I have so much to say. I don't want to.

I'm just going to simply say this: Today was amazing.

I felt like an average girl...all day.

I had my moments, should i have that 3rd small slice of pizza because I [sorta accidentally] skipped lunch? Or should i tell my friend to? My friend did.

This group (Team Spuds) made T-shirts all day. We spent hours Tie-dying them and cutting them, and tieing stuff...hours. Then a few of us (friend AH and D) hung out at D's and watched old videos of us three. Man, we were cute. Man, i was loud!

After about an hour, after we had eaten, we went to a dogeball tourney. We won 2/4, which was great! Usually that sucks, but we won against seniors...it was funny :)

I just got home and am very, very tired.

Tomorrow I'll be working on this Anne Frank proj. (Semester test powerpoint) for English, and then cleaning my room, and then organizing papers for other semester tests. It doesn't sound like alot, but after church, imma be tired...i wish we could skip. I know, I sound like a bad Christian, but i really wanna sleep in. I'm already feeling the stress of Semester Tests coming, which are this week, and i feel like I'll need all the sleep I can get. I need to stop thinking.

What's So Wrong?

What's so wrong with me, that no guy ever really wants to be with me?
Why do they say they do, but fall for someone else?
What did i do?
What can i do?
What's so wrong with me!?!