How Do We Carry On?

I couldn't post yesterday because I was gone all day (Bball) and then went and watched wrestling. I weighed in yesterday and was 131. Haha, i was super excited. Remember how badly i ate? Yeah, so do I.

I got a little too excited, and ate a big, big breakfast. I decided to skip lunch to make up for it, and I did. I had 2 lolli pops (50) and be fine. Then, go figure, we ate dinner at a buffet. I ate like a PIG! Then i got home...and binged. Maga big binge.

Breakfast:
2 cups of coffee with no cal. sweetner (0)

Lunch:
1 big serving goolaushe (200ish?)

Snack:
1 chocolate pudding cup (110)

Total: 310.

That's today so far. I could've done without the pudding, but i was craving it. Oh and i gained this morning (i expected it).

Weight: 132.6 [+1.6]

I know, BIG gain. I figure I'll just try to not eat much for the rest of the day. And tomorrow Imma try a liquid fast tomorrow. I've never fastested before, and I'm extremely nervous about it. We have no school tomorrow, so i should be able to do it, or atleast try. And, I'm goona try to do the Saltwater flush thing. I don't have the correct salt, but i'm going to try putting a tablespoon of table salt in a 1 liter and try to chug it. I have no idea how this will work, but my plan is waking up at like 8:15 to do (my mom leaves for work at like 7:45). My main worry is still having to go the bathroom when she gets home for her lunchbreak, that's why I'm goona try it so early.

And another little thing, my mom said she's goona make cookies, i told her not to, but she is. Now I'm worried i'll be super tempted. I know if i eat one, well, it won't stop there. Ugh.

It's So Beautiful, It Makes You Wanna Cry.

Ugh. I ate sooo much today. Like thousands and thousands, it feel like. Ok, not THAT much, but more than i ate all last week i bet. I'll just work it off this week. I can do it. Sadly, i can't quite remember all of what i ate today, so there won't be a total. Oh wellz. And the story of what ruined my day:

This woman turned towards her husband and whispered something into his ear. He quickly got up and got out of the isle. He reached his hand for his wife and she also got up. She took a step, and then started to fall backwards, the woman in the pew behind got up and caught her before she fell. She passed out, cold. Everyone kept trying to see the lady and some man called 911. The priest quickly walked over and annointed her. I couldn't take my eyes off of the man. He looked so sad. He was about to cry, and so was I. I just kept thinking how this lady (she was elderly, and so was her husband) could easily die (she had cancer, but was in remission) and all i ever did was complain about my weight and how ugly i am and stuff. How horrible of a person am I?

I keep seeing the man's face as they took the woman out on a stretcher. I'm so scared that will be me some day. I'm so scared i won't have someone, anyone, that would cry for me. That wouldn't have that look on their faces.

Super Quick.

This one's goona be super short. Yesterday and today's totals will be posted tomorrow. I just showered and am goona go to this music thing. Don't get too excited, it's just the High School Jazz Band, haha, it'll me me next year! (Alto Sax.). And then after that imma stay at my friend S's house. It should be tons of fun...EXCEPT she eats like a horse...not trying to be mean. She's actually my size, but she eats like...ALL the time. It's crazy. I won't let myself.

Game tomorrow. Actually 3. I'll play most of the game on C team (Mainly 8th graders.) and I'll play like 6 min in B team. I have so many little goals that i can't keep track right now.

Weighed myself this morning. Only lost .1 So I was exactly 135 pounds. Tomorrow i WILL be in the 134s. I just have to be.

My mind's in a thousand places...i feel like i can't breathe.

Crap, my bro's friends here.I'll write before I leave tomorrow.