BBIINNGGEE.

Ha. I just laughed. Yes, the title is correct.

After that last post like 15 min ago, I binged.

I'm so stupid, that I'm smart. I went for the healthy/ish foods.

2 string cheeses.
1 serving tuna.
1 granola bar with peanut butter.
1 hard boiled egg.

Pathedic i ate so much. Funny it won't kill me. Ha.

Don't Give Up On Me, Baby.

Dinner:
1/2 BBQ sandwich (75)
1 corn on the cob (100)

Snack:
1 oatmeal (130)

Total: 305

305+270= 575

Not very good, i know, but i needed the oatmeal. I felt like binging. I can't do that.

I decided i will go to the indoor track meet soon, which means practice. I'll offically have 4 days of really hard work (300-400 cals burned) I'm already nervious. I think that's what triggered the almost binge.

My brother's sellin' these chocolate peanut butter bear things out of a catologe for school. I really wanna buy a box of them, but i know I won't eat them untill i feel like binging. Then I will. Then I'll purge, because i'm mad at myself. I know how, but I'm already scared. Maybe this will be the motivation to not binge. Who knows?

This Time, Right Now.

Ok, I'm back. I'm sorry about my little freak out. I couldn't write. The past couple of days have binge after painful binge. I don't even wanna guess my weight. Yes, it was that bad.

I decided that for now on, i will purge after binging. Why would i wanna do something terrible like that? Because i have a mini-phobia of puking. I think it's the whole crying and hating yourself, but i already feel terrible after i binge, and i can't keep all of it in me. I'll try it, but hopefully won't need it for a while.

Breakfast:
1 cookie (75)
1 cup coffee (0)

Lunch:
2/3 cup lettuce (5)
1/4 chicken patty with bun (150?)
1 serving green beans (40)

Total: 270

Not too bad. I wouldn't have had the patty, but i'm giving up meat for lent, and i thought that i should eat it. Oh, and my cousin A ate the rest. Haha. Sorry, i find that funny. She's been pretty mean to me lately, so i think that i can be kind of mean on my own blog, just sayin'.

Another thing: Track. Yeah, it's here...maybe. You see, everyone else isn't starting untill Spring Break, but my coach is hoping I'll start practicing with like 4 kids that are going to this inside meet soon. She wants me to long jump and do a sprint. I placed in Regionals last year (7th grade) and I broke the long jump record again last year, so I know i could do it, but I'm just thinking of the running. Yes, I know, pathedic, but I'd be running with these 3 girls that are studs, and this one studly boy. Intimidating. Plus my coach pushes you REALLY hard. Like untill you wanna cry. I kinda wanted to wait before i had to go through that again. But it would be good for me. I need to tell her tomorrow. I'm leaning more on doing it, but I'm not sure. Any thoughts?
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OliviaLee: I don't know when i would have came back if it weren't for you. I mean it. I'm still not feeling any better (about myself) but thanks for letting me know you understood.

I Can't Take Glory In Something I Can't Be.

Breakfast:
1 cupcake (200?)

Lunch:
1 1/3 lettuce (12)
2 tbs. cottage cheese (140)
1 tbs. fat free yogurt (30?)

Snack:
1 jello (10)

Total: 392.

Output: 230ish

I'm still ashamed. I can't talk. I'm sorry.

Screaming For Confidence, Bleeding For More.

I don't even wanna talk right now.

One little annoying thing, and i ruin my day.

I'm pathedic. I could have stopped, i should have.

I don't know what to do.